She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
