You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
