I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
time to smoke my breakfast
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
