I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
