Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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