thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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