But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
