Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
