the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
