Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
