Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
