When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
