Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
