In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Its about making memories worth repressing
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
