Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
