My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
