I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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