Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
