Jerry, you need to find god
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
