I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
