he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
