We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
