I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
