I need help removing her.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
