if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
