I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
