i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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