I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
