Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i now understand why vodka
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
