Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
