he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
