I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
