i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
