I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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