you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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