Ambien. No doubt about it.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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