Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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