I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
