I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
