I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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