Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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