you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
