he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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