yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
