I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
