Soap is not a condiment
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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