if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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