I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
