Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
