I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
