pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
