i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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