im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
