so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
