i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
the raccoons are back...
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